You always think of "what if this happened" or "what if that happened" but you never ACTUALLY think it'll actually happen, right? You're hoping it never actually does anyway.
It was a Friday morning on August 20th 2021. You were already feeling a little off I could tell thinking back because you were highly irritable with me, because you were running late for work for things that you had already knew was happening. When I got home I felt a weird vibe off you but I can't pin exactly what that vibe really even was. Not long after you had to holler at our son for being defiant. That was nothing new but how you handled it was since it had been over a month since you've even raised a vocal. You had all the skills and knew what to and how to be able to control your inside feelings but they kind of were invisible for you as if you weren't even you.
You rushed out the door to work, kissed me goodbye and we never thought twice that it possibly could have been the last time we ever seen each other.
It felt like over 100 degrees outside so it was even hotter in the shop.. We communicated while you were at work and you really just wanted to come home because you guys weren't busy at all. So they had you take a ride down south to the other shop for a pick up and when you got back you said that you rotated your car tires, then swept the shop. We were hoping you could just then get off but they sent you on another run. I wasn't too happy because its so hot outside and the work truck has no A.C. When you got there you let me know but you told me you weren't feeling that good. While you were driving back you called me telling me that you felt weird and your chest was hurting. We didn't think too much of it because "asthmatic bronchitis" they told us all the 100 times we've went for the pain. I told you be careful drink some water and relax when you got back. While you were still on your way you texted me saying you would go get looked at because you feel really weird. Your chest hurt, you were tingly, you were numb, you felt sick, and you were in pain. I told you come home now, I got no response because again you're driving. 10 Minutes later you call me. You are crying hysterically and screaming.... My heart sunk, I've never heard you like this before.
You are telling me that your chest hurts so bad, your chest hurts so bad and that your job is calling the ambulance. In the matter of 2 minutes I hear the sirens going off and I hear the EMT's talking to you. I thought you were on the phone with me the entire time because you kept saying "baby it hurts so bad, it hurts so bad I need you what is wrong with me, and etc." I was telling you to breathe and try and relax or you're going to make it worse. At this point I was maybe thinking you were having a bad anxiety attack or something, I wasn't sure. But I thought you were okay enough like the episodes you get at home because I ASSUMED you were on the phone still... you should never assume.you got on and said baby i have to go theyre taking me i love you. You were not on the phone and you were not okay.
Afterwards I called your job and spoke to your boss and he told me you were sitting at the table sweating and crying in pain. He told you he was going to call 911, you told him no but he did it anyway. He said the paramedics seemed hopeful and that they didn't seem to be too too worried when they pulled off. We spoke for a few and then I told him that I would keep him up to date. I stood in our driveway crying because I couldn't go inside and cry because then the kids would ask me what's wrong and I would have to tell them because then they would assume we were fighting or they did something wrong. I called my mom freaking out, I texted my sister, I texted my dad, I was hoping someone else could have something to say to make me feel better. They didn't though because nothing could take away the feeling of the unknown until I heard your voice. Next thing I knew my Life360 said you arrived at the hospital at over 149mph. I knew that couldn't mean anything good..
I waited 10 minutes to give you time to get in and checked in and hoped you would have called me right away to tell me ANYTHING, but there was radio silence. The worst kind. Where are you, what are you doing and what's going on! My mind wouldn't stop racing with every possible thought, situation, reasoning, any positive and negative scenario that is possible was running through my brain like a hamster in a ball. Finally I called the emergency room and I kept being transfered all over the place speaking to 6 different people, waiting on hold for 10 minutes at a time. What the fuck is going on?!? Finally, someone who knows something!!! Or not? "Is my husband ok? Where is he?" I said.. "I don't know, here is his Doctor in charge I am going to let her speak to you. Again, 5 more minutes pass by... "Mrs. O'Dell?". "Yes! is my husband ok?" . "Well first what all do you know that happened?" .. "It doesn't fucking matter what I know, its what I don't know. IS MY HUSBAND FUCKING OK?!?!?". She says you had a heart attack. That is all I needed to hear before I screamed on the top of my lungs with every amazing moment of you and I flashing in my eyes. This cannot be real life, I must be hallucinating because I know she didn't just say that to me. She said you're being rushed into surgery and that when I get there to come straight to HVIS recovery unit. I was 30 minutes away and couldn't leave until my dad picked my up and then it would take another 30. Once my dad got to me and i was on my way I sat in silence in the car. I didn't know what to think, feel, say or do. I felt empty... empty because I taught that I just lost my literal ENTIRE universe. I wanted the nightmare to be over. I kept thinking, I cannot live in a world where he and I do not exist together. I don't even know how to shower unless its with this man... im going to smell like shit the rest of my life. Yes, in a situation like this, like I said EVERY SINGLE THING flows through your head and its limitless.
I got to the hospital and on my way up I called the unit to see if you were alert. I needed to know what to expect when I walked in the room because i needed to know that if I walked in there and you were not there, or alert... my world really would have crashed down on me. Honestly, it wouldn't have been good.
I walk through the doors... You take a look at me and cry! I ran to you and just hugged and kissed you. I could breathe again. I knew that as long as you were still alive then whatever was next we can figure it out, make it work and get you well. I'm being told that your artery was 100% blocked and while you were having your procedure done you almost flatline so they needed to put in a pacemaker. That was not something I was ready to hear. In fact the only thing that I wanted to hear was that it was nothing, and you were fine. It was a fluke, that's it. You never want to hear that you could have lost your husband for the 2nd time in 3 weeks.. That's actually a loving wives WORST nightmare. Well here it is, in my worst nightmare, alright.
This is going to be a entirely different kind of journey, and we're already on a few others as I speak. But this one is the most important one we will ever have to go through, and it will be together. We have a lot of changes to make and a lot of adjustments but it will be together. I will be here always, as always by your side, holding your hand, having your back making sure that you don't fall down. I am your biggest fan, supporter lover and fighter. I will go to all lengths to make sure that your needs are met and you get through this with me cheering you on and pushing you to keep going. Nobody said it is going to be easy. For some reason the universe is not on our side and keeps throwing rocks at us. It's okay because we're going to keep picking them up and throwing them back at it.
I love you. Forever, Always, and Eva So Eva.
